NINE WEEKS! It’s been 9 weeks since I️ gave birth with no evidence to prove it externally, but internally is a different story. My body has never been this dysfunctional. I️ have been bleeding for the most part of the nine weeks. Poor hubby probably feeling so deprived. Then, this damn line won’t go away on my stomach! It’s a constant reminder that I️ was recently pregnant. I️ can’t move on because my body won’t let me move on. Everyday I️ wake up and I️ go to the bathroom and I️ feel weak and I️ have to take all these pills...IS A CONSTANT REMINDER! How can I️ move on? Huh?! My original due date is coming in a few more weeks and just the thought of not having her at the right time still hurts my heart deeply. I️ can’t move until...maybe never.
It’s been a week or so since I have written my thoughts and feelings, but I cannot hold it it anymore! I feel like I am in somebody else’s body and in somebody else’s life. I do not feel myself 100%. I haven’t even spoken to the God, let alone gone to church. That’s not like me. Nevertheless, it’s just frustrating to even watch people hold their babies at the store or see a teenage girl walking with a stroller, or see someone who just don’t care about having their own kids. I feel like I am in a big comedy skit and I am the punchline. I haven’t been feeling my best physically, emotionally, and mentally. I really do think that the cloud of depression has been following me. I understand now how a person of faith, like the pastor the other day who committed suicide... he stopped believing in Hope. Without hope, you really don’t think things will ever change FOR YOU! And yes, sometimes those overwhelmed feelings can be a sign of mental illness, sometimes it’s a demonic s...
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