From Mourning to Dancing: From miscarriage to healthy baby

No one in my biological family has a history of mental, but I personally know people who has dealt with Depression, which led me to research it a little more. I am now almost 8 weeks postpartum and time is definitely healing my wombs, however there was just one area that was not healing fast enough and that was my mind.  The anguish and agony associated with grief is already documented to be one of the most intense emotions that a person can deal with. But when you are dealing with guilt in association with that grief it can spin out-of-control into a very dark place. That’s what happened with me.  I had a feeling that was beyond sadness. I had a guilt that was beyond hope. I felt hopeless for the first time in my life. Even when I lived in a homeless shelter at the age of 19, I had hoped that I would never be in that situation again and I haven’t. But this Feeling of hopelessness was unchartered territory. I knew that if I did not seek professional help, this could possibly t...

 It’s been a week or so since I have written my thoughts and feelings, but I cannot hold it it anymore! I feel like I am in somebody else’s body and in somebody else’s life. I do not feel myself 100%. I haven’t even spoken to the God, let alone gone to church. That’s not like me. Nevertheless, it’s just frustrating to even watch people hold their babies at the store or see a teenage girl walking with a stroller, or see someone who just don’t care about having their own kids.  I feel like I am in a big comedy skit  and I am the punchline. I haven’t been feeling my best physically, emotionally, and mentally. I really do think that the cloud of depression has been following me. I understand now how a person of faith, like the pastor the other day who committed suicide... he stopped believing in Hope. Without hope, you really don’t think things will ever change FOR YOU! And yes, sometimes those overwhelmed feelings can be a sign of mental illness, sometimes it’s a demonic s...

It’s been 4 weeks and although my body is pretty much stabilized, my mind is in a different place. I️ am not ready to face the looks and hugs and questions. More importantly, I️ still need answers and I’m not going to stop until I get some answers. Why does my body keep rejecting babies? What is happening to my body at the time of the miscarriage?  What type of foods do I need to eat in order to combat this infection? What type of medications do I need to take in order to ensure this infection does not take over my body again?  How much weight can I️ lose before trying to conceive again?  I have so many questions, but so little time to get answers because as of today, my ovulation test is blinking Which means that my LH level is surging and getting ready to release another egg. Normally,  I would be excited about seeing a smiley face because with PCOS it is very rare that I ovulate monthly.  I’m assuming because I just had a baby my body is self regulating a...